Why are some people more resilient than others? Opinions vary, but let me share what was shared with me recently.
I went to a fitness conference, and one of my favorite speakers held a session about resilience. During the session he mentioned a book that I have yet to read, called “The Resiliency Advantage” by Al Siebert. (I’m currently reading “Resilient” by Dr. Rick Hanson which is another great resource that I’ll write about soon).
After looking up Al Siebert, I found out that he was a PhD in clinical psychology and founded The Resiliency Center. Basically he knew his stuff! In his book, he focused on examples of people who are resilient. Now mind you I’m going on a quick summary of the book, but here are the areas that he focused on:
He focused on people who (A) Survived a major crisis, (B) Surmounted the crisis through personal effort, (C) Emerged with previously unknown strength, and (D) Found value in the experience. Looking at these areas, there is definitely a process that emerges on how to recall our resilience. Notice I said “recall”. We all are born with resilience, it’s just a matter of remembering how resilient we actually are.
Here are 4B’s that can serve as reminders of how to recall that resilience.
Step 1 – Bear
From the time you were born, you have developed the ability to bear with unwanted and undesired circumstances. At the very moment my son Phoenix was born I learned this. His cry made it very clear that he wasn’t ready to come out of mom’s warm tummy. But he dealt with it. No matter who you are or how long you’ve lived, there have been situations that you have been able to bear that have made you more resilient. Maybe you tried something and failed. Perhaps you suffered a loss in the family. You may have gone through and overcome a health challenge. Whatever it is, look at all of the ways you have overcome in your life. If you really examine these situations, you’ll clearly see the strength of your resolve.
Step 2 – Bold
What have you strived for in life and actually achieved? Was there something bold that you had to do to accomplish it? If you want anything in life of significance, know this: You will face an obstacle to overcome in order to get it. It may be another person, or a roadblock of another kind, but there will be something that you have to be bold enough to push through. You’ve already done this, however, so just look back to when you’ve done it before to give yourself the strength to do it again.
Step 3 – Believe
Most people that fail to succeed do so not because they don’t achieve, but because they don’t believe. How do you give yourself belief? You gather proof. The astronauts today KNOW they can get to space, because either they have done it before, or seen many who have. Look at the past times you’ve been able to achieve something. It may not even be in the same field, but simply anchoring your thoughts to what you have achieved helps you to build belief that you can achieve. Far too many people anchor their minds to thoughts of failures from the past. Since like attracts like, why not envision your past recollection to those times you won and succeeded instead?
Step 4 – Build
Finally, get out and try something. It’s better to fail in attempt, than to live in “analysis paralysis”. Michael Jordan is famous for saying “I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life… and that is why I succeed.” Get out. Take action. Build your future. And remember that the only permanent failure is when you stop trying.
