Are you a chameleon? Watch out…Why? Because of the actual reasons chameleons change colors. And it’s not to match their environment as commonly believed. It’s actually for two reasons: first, they change colors to adopt to the temperature. Just like on a hot sunny day you’ll roast if you wear black, chameleons adjust to brighter colors on hot days as well. They adjust their colors depending on the temperature.
Secondly, chameleons change colors to reflect their mood. Once again, just as many people like to wear brighter colors to reflect a sunny disposition, chameleons adjust their colors as if to say “Hey, this is how I’m feeling today!”
Now today’s question is: are you a chameleon?
Most people change who they are based on what’s going on around them. As a former police officer, I saw chameleons and non-chameleons. Chameleons are those who react to what they face. It’s the officer that says “You’re acting like an asshole…I can act like one too!” The non-chameleon keeps his or her demeanor the same regardless of the circumstances. I learned that on a call first-hand on the streets in Richmond, British Columbia.
I walked up to someone who was “known”. That means he was someone with a laundry list of criminal offenses, so when the call came up with the name “Kelly T”, we knew exactly who it was. I responded to the call and attended with another senior member. As soon as I walked up to Kelly, his face gave away his feelings toward the uniform. However, he hadn’t committed a crime so it was just an inquiry call.
As we got to the scene, I walked up to him and said something to the effect of “What are you doing here?” With his history, I knew that even though he hadn’t committed a crime yet, it would just be a matter of time before he was sitting in the back of a police car.
No sooner than the words came out, he said “What the fuck do you want?” Fortunately, I had a seasoned non-chameleon next to me. Simon could see in my face that I was agitated and was about to react “chamelon style”. He simply put his hand up as if to say “Calm down Kwesi!”, then he told Kelly that it was a routine call that was received. With that, we turned and headed out for other calls.
MY initial response was to demand that Kelly speak respectfully since I just asked a question. Had it not been for Simon, I would have raised my voice to match Kelly’s and made the situation worse. Simon knew it wasn’t worth it. He also knew that we would have to deal with Kelly again soon enough – which we did – he was arrested multiple times after that.
Simon taught me a valuable lesson that day. He taught me not to change my attitude based on my “temperature” or that of those around me. I was never one to get overheated quickly when dealing with others, but he helped to add an even greater level of calm to my demeanor. That’s why I write in my book RISE, that when years later I was in a courtroom after the YVR incident (read my book and Blamed and Broken for the full story) and a lawyer said to me “I bet you couldn’t wait to use your Taser, could you?”, I had to laugh inside. I don’t default to aggression when it’s presented; I’m not a chameleon.
Now this is not just about first responders. Many people tend to adapt to who’s around them, mirroring the responses that they see. This chameleon effect prevents people from properly communicating, can ruin relationships, and creates misunderstandings that often never get resolved. To avoid defaulting to the chameleon response, ask yourself this question: Is my response based on how I truly feel, or is it a reaction to what the other person is doing or saying?
I like the quote that Gabrielle Bernstein uses in her book The Universe Has Your Back: “The world is your classroom, and people are your assignments.” It’s often easy to reflect what we see in other people, but it may not be the best thing to do.
So….are YOU a chameleon?
Kwesi Millington, Resiliency Expert, Author & Certified Wellness Coach
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