Are YOU Happy?
I’m sure almost everyone has been asked that question before. If you are like me, you have probably given a less than 100% sure answer to that. When people ask that question, a person’s typical answer is Yes, but it likely causes reflection. We think of our jobs, our relationships, our health, or whatever is most important to us. For a motivated professional, a “Yes” may mean that they are happy with their current profession. For a spouse, a “Yes” may mean that they are happy in their current relationship. For a parent, a “Yes” may mean that they feel that they are giving their all for their children, and so they are a happy parent. Maybe a “Yes” just indicates that a person is happy because they have no health issues, or have just pulled through a battle with sickness or disease.
When you hear this question, does a myriad of criteria go through your head? I know at times mine does. It is almost like I fill out a mental questionnaire – Job going well? Check! Relationship going well? Check! etc… Once I hear enough internal “Yes’s”, I say “Yes, I am happy.” But what if there is a No in there? What if your relationship is going well, but you hate your job? What if you love your job, but your children are going through typical teenage angst and you can’t break through? Some say that as long as everything is going well in your personal life, everything else is secondary. There may be some truth in that, but if you spend 40+ hours every week at work and you hate your job, I wouldn’t consider that a “secondary” concern. That’s over 2,000 hours of yearly unhappiness! True happiness is holistic – you must take everything into account.
So if you are NOT happy, how do you become happier? I believe there are 3 choices you can make daily, that will make you happier, regardless of your situation…
CHOICE 1: Choose to be GRATEFUL
“The more things that you are grateful for, the more things that you will have to be grateful for.” (Zig Ziglar)
This one is simple in theory, but most people forget to apply this. I used to be like this. I would say grace before dinner, tell people I am happy and grateful, then complain (either externally or internally) about the smallest things. For years I did this, but I finally learned the power of habits from authors Jim Rohn, Darren Hardy, and John Maxwell. Since what gets Repeated gets Reinforced, I did 3 things so I would never forget to be grateful.
- I taped a piece of paper with gratitude statements in my bathroom cabinet
- I set a reminder in my Iphone to make a note of 3-5 things that I am grateful for daily, and
- I play a self-talk audio at some point during the morning that includes the statement “I am grateful and happy”.
Repetitive? Yes. But it works.
Find a way to repeatedly remind yourself to be grateful, and watch your life change.
CHOICE 2: Choose to take ACTION
The second choice is to choose to take action. Now I’m sure you have heard the broad sweeping statements before: If you don’t like your relationship – change it! If you don’t like your job – change it! If you don’t like your kids…just kidding! But you know what I mean. Personally, I don’t like those statements – not because they have no validity, but because they are too general. Some people cannot just up and leave their jobs. They may have bills to pay and families to support. Some people cannot get out of their relationships that easily either. Some women (and men too) may not have worked in years, and are in a marriage or relationship where they are being supported. Leaving means a total loss of financial security. Not an easy “get up and leave” solution there! But everyone can do SOMETHING. Author John Maxwell says that you will never change your life until you change something that you do daily. So make small changes and take small actions if you are not happy. If you are not happy with your job, you may not be able to leave, but you can do other things. You can start to think about what else you would LIKE to do. You can read aptitude and skill finding articles and books like “What Color is your Parachute?” to discover your other talents. You can talk to people in your office such as your manager or people in other departments – maybe you can get ideas from them or even move around internally. There are numerous small actions you can take, that can lead to big results down the road. As for your relationships, if you are not able to leave for specific reasons, one possible choice is to take action to make your relationship better. Ask yourself WHY you want to leave, and are unhappy. The answer may be something your spouse is not doing. If so, YOU start doing it, or communicate to your partner as to what you feel you are missing, and you may discover that what you needed to be happy was very minor. However, sometimes a relationship is beyond repair, or maybe it is just not a good match. If so, take action and reach out to friends and family if you can. You may find an answer in the most unlikely of places. I have sat in a few relationships in my life for much longer than I should have, only to talk to a friend or loved one years later who pointed out what took me much longer to realize on my own. The point is – if you are not happy, do SOMETHING. It doesn’t have to be big, but start something, if you want a change. And finally…
CHOICE 3: Choose to be ACCOUNTABLE
This one is huge. If you just choose to accept responsibility for everything that happens in your life, you will not only stop complaining and take accountability for yourself, you will start to feel immensely more powerful. When you realize that you are accountable for your results, you stop relying on other people for all the answers. Sure, you ask for help, but you won’t blame anyone for where you end up. Sometimes others DO contribute to what happens to you, but taking accountability will allow you to stop dwelling on the blame, and start focusing on the next steps. If you were to fall in mud, you can complain that you are dirty, or you can get up and get clean. Choose accountability, choose to live by the old corny saying that “If it is to be, it’s up to me!”.
So provide a comment on these 3 questions:
What are you Grateful for?
What are you going to take Action on today?
And
What are you going to choose to take Responsibility for today that you have not been?
